It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
