We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
