i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
