You just made me feel so damn special
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
