just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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