I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
