Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
