im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
