If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
