last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
