my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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