is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
