What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
