So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
