dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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