As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
