i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
