he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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