I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
