Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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