he shaved USA in his pubs
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
