I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
