proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
