Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
