I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
