my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
