I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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