so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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