I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
