seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
