so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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