I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
