maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
