I am in a vortex of obligation.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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