I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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