I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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