fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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