that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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