Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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