how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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