He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
