You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
