You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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