Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
