You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
