I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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