i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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