i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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