Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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