This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
