oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
vagina is talking i cant
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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