I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
